Vasyuki of 12 chairs. Chapter XXXIV. Interplanetary Chess Congress. See what "New Vasyuki" is in other dictionaries

I watched Chechetov's performance and remembered the unforgettable grandmaster O. Bender and his play in Vasyuki.

Chapter XXXIV. Interplanetary Chess Congress

In the morning, a tall, thin old man in a gold pince-nez and short, very dirty, paint-stained boots walked around Vasyuki. He stuck hand-written posters on the walls:

June 22, 1927
In the premises of the Cardboard Club
will take place
lecture on the topic:
"FRUIT DEBUT IDEA"
and
SESSION OF SIMULTANEOUS CHESS
on 160 boards
grandmaster (senior master) O. Bender
Everyone comes with their own boards.
Game fee - 50 kopecks.
Entrance fee - 20 kopecks.
Starting at exactly 6 o'clock. evenings
Administration K. Michelson.

The grandmaster himself wasted no time either. Having rented the club for three rubles, he transferred to the chess section, which for some reason was located in the corridor of the horse breeding department.

A one-eyed man was sitting in the chess section reading Shpilhagen's novel in the Panteleevsky edition.

Grandmaster O. Bender! Ostap declared, sitting down on the table. - Arrange you have a session of simultaneous play.

The only eye of the Vasyukin chess player opened up to the limits allowed by nature.

Just a minute, Comrade Grandmaster! - Shouted one-eyed. - Sit down, please. I. now.

And the one-eyed man ran away. Ostap examined the premises of the chess section. On the walls were photographs of racing horses, and on the table lay a dusty ledger with the heading: "Achievements of the Vasyukin Shah Section in 1925."

The one-eyed man returned with a dozen citizens different ages. They all approached in turn to get acquainted, named the names and respectfully shook hands with the grandmaster.

On our way to Kazan, - said Ostap abruptly, - yes, yes, the session is tonight, come. And now, excuse me, I'm not in shape: I'm tired after the Carlsbad tournament.

Vasyukin's chess players listened to Ostap with filial love. Ostap suffered. He felt a surge of new strength and chess ideas.

You won't believe, - he said, - how far chess thought has moved. You know, Lasker reached the point of vulgar things, it became impossible to play with him. He smokes his opponents with cigars. And he smokes cheap ones on purpose, so that the smoke is nastier. The chess world is in turmoil. The grandmaster moved on to local topics.

Why is there no game of thought in the province? For example, here is your chess section. That's what it's called: chess section. Boring girls! Why don't you, in fact, call it something beautiful, truly chess. This would draw the allied masses into the section. For example, they would name your section: “Chess club of four knights”, or “Red endgame”, or “Loss of quality when gaining tempo”. It would be nice! Soundly! The idea was a success.

And in fact, - Vasyukintsy said, - why not rename our section into the "Club of Four Horses"?

Since the bureau of the chess section was right there, Ostap organized a one-minute meeting under his honorary chairmanship, at which the section was unanimously renamed the Chess Club of Four Horses. Using the lessons of Scriabin, the grandmaster himself artistically made a signboard with four horses and the corresponding inscription on a sheet of cardboard,

This important event promised the flourishing of chess thought in Vasyuki.

Chess! Ostap said. - Do you know what chess is? They move forward not only culture, but also the economy! Do you know that your "Chess club of four horses" with the right organization of the case will be able to completely transform the city of Vasyuki?

Ostap hasn't eaten anything since yesterday. Therefore, his eloquence was unusual.

Yes! he shouted. - Chess enriches the country! If you agree to my project, then you will go down from the city to the pier on marble stairs! Vasyuki will become the center of ten provinces! What have you heard about the city of Semmering before? Nothing! And now this town is rich and famous only because an international tournament was organized there. Therefore, I say: in Vasyuki it is necessary to arrange an international chess tournament.

How? they all shouted.

Quite a real thing, - answered the grandmaster, - my personal connections and - your initiative - that's all that is necessary and sufficient for the organization of the international Vasyukin tournament. Think about how beautiful it will sound: "The International Vasyukin Tournament of 1927." The arrival of José Raul Capablanca, Emmanuel Lasker, Alekhine, Nimzowitsch, Reti, Rubinstein, Marozzi, Tarrasch, Vidmar and Dr. Grigoriev is guaranteed. In addition, my participation is also guaranteed!

But money! groaned the Vasyukins. They all need to pay money! Many thousands of money! Where can you get them?

Everything is taken into account by a mighty hurricane, - said O. Bender, - the money will be collected from the collections.

Who will pay such crazy money? Vasyukintsy…

What there Vasyukintsy! Vasyukintsy will not pay money. They will beat them! It's all extremely simple. After all, chess lovers from all over the world will come to the tournament with the participation of such greatest weltmasters. Hundreds of thousands of people, wealthy people, will strive to Vasyuki. Firstly, river transport will not be able to lift such a number of passengers. Consequently, the NKPS will build the Moscow-Vasyuki railway line. This is one. Two are hotels and skyscrapers to accommodate guests. Three - raising agriculture within a radius of a thousand kilometers: guests need to be supplied - vegetables, fruits, caviar, chocolates. The palace in which the tournament will take place is four. Five - construction of garages for guest vehicles. To transmit the sensational results of the tournament to the whole world, a super-powerful radio station will have to be built. This is sixth. Now regarding railway line Moscow-Vasyuki. Undoubtedly, this will not have such a capacity to transport everyone to Vasyuki. From here follows the Bolshie Vasyuki airport - a regular departure of mail planes and airships to all corners of the world, including Los Angeles and Melbourne.

Dazzling prospects unfolded before Vasyukin's amateurs. The room has expanded. The rotten walls of the horse-breeding nest collapsed, and instead of them, a thirty-three-story glass palace of chess thought went into the blue sky. Thoughtful people sat in each of its halls, in each room and even in the elevators rushing by with a bullet and played chess on boards inlaid with malachite ...

Marble stairs cascaded down into the blue Volga. There were ocean-going ships on the river. Mouth-faced foreigners, chess ladies, Australian fans of the Indian defense, Indians in white turbans, adherents of the Spanish party, Germans, French, New Zealanders, residents of the Amazon River basin and envious of the Vasyukinites - Muscovites, Leningraders, Kievans, Siberians and Odessans rose to the city by funiculars.

Cars moved in a conveyor belt among the marble hotels. But now, everything has stopped. The world champion José Raul Capablanca y Graupera stepped out of the fashionable Pawn Hotel. Ladies surrounded him. The policeman, dressed in a special chess uniform (breeches in a cage and elephants on the buttonholes), politely saluted. The one-eyed chairman of Vasyukin's "Four Horses Club" approached the champion with dignity.

The conversation of two luminaries, conducted on English language, was interrupted by the arrival of Dr. Grigoriev and the future world champion Alekhine.

Shouts of welcome shook the city. José Raul Capablanca y Graupera grimaced. At a wave of the one-eyed man's hand, a marble staircase was brought up to the airplane. Dr. Grigoriev ran down it, waving his new hat in greeting and commenting on Capablanca's possible mistake in his upcoming match with Alekhine.

Suddenly, a black dot was seen on the horizon. It quickly approached and grew, turning into a large emerald parachute. Like a big radish, a man with a suitcase hung on a parachute ring.

It's him! shouted the one-eyed man. - Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! I recognize the great chess philosopher Dr. Lasker. He is the only one in the whole world who wears such green socks.

José Raul Capablanca y Graupera grimaced again.

Lasker was deftly put up with a marble staircase, and the cheerful ex-champion, blowing off a speck of dust from his left sleeve that had settled on him during his flight over Silesia, fell into the arms of the one-eyed man. The one-eyed man grabbed Lasker by the waist, led him to the champion, and said:

Make peace! I ask you on behalf of the broad masses of Vasyukin! Make peace!

José Raul sighed noisily and, shaking the hand of the old veteran, said:

I have always admired your idea of ​​moving the bishop in the Spanish game from b5 to c4.

Hooray! exclaimed the one-eyed man. - Simple and convincing, in the style of a champion! And the whole unimaginable crowd picked up:

Hooray! Vivat! Banzai! Simple and convincing, in the style of a champion!!!

Express trains rolled up to the twelve Vasyukinsky railway stations, disembarking more and more crowds of chess lovers.

Already the sky was on fire with luminous advertisements, when a white horse was led through the streets of the city. It was the only horse that survived after the mechanization of the Vasyukin transport. By a special decree, she was renamed a horse, although she was considered a mare all her life. Chess fans greeted her with palm branches and chessboards.

Do not worry, - said Ostap, - my project guarantees your city an unprecedented flourishing of productive forces. Think about what will happen when the tournament is over and when all the guests leave. The inhabitants of Moscow, constrained by the housing crisis, will rush to your magnificent city. The capital automatically moves to Vasyuki. The government is coming. Vasyuki are renamed New Moscow, Moscow - Old Vasyuki. Leningraders and Kharkovites grind their teeth, but they can't do anything. New Moscow becomes the most elegant center of Europe, and soon the whole world.

All over the world!!! groaned the deafened Vasyukins.

Yes! And then the universe. A chess idea that turned a county town into a capital the globe, will turn into applied science and invent ways of interplanetary communication. Signals will fly from Vasyukov to Mars, Jupiter and Neptune. Communication with Venus will become as easy as moving from Rybinsk to Yaroslavl. And there, who knows, maybe in eight years Vasyuki will host the first interplanetary chess congress in the history of the universe!

Ostap wiped his noble forehead. He was hungry to such an extent that he would gladly eat a fried chess horse.

Yes, - squeezed out the one-eyed man, circling the dusty room with a crazy look. - But how to put the event into practice, to bring, so to speak, the base?

Those present looked intently at the grandmaster.

I repeat that practically the matter depends only on your initiative. The whole organization, I repeat, I take upon myself. There are no material costs, except for the costs of telegrams. One-Eyed was pushing his companions.

Well! he asked. - What do you say?

Let's arrange! Let's arrange! - Vasyukintsy chirped.

How much money is needed for this ... telegrams?

A ridiculous figure, - said Ostap, - one hundred rubles.

At the box office, there are only twenty-one rubles and sixteen kopecks. This, of course, we understand, is far from enough ...

But the grandmaster turned out to be a complaisant organizer.

All right, - he said, - let's have your twenty rubles.

Is that enough? asked the one-eyed man.

Enough for primary telegrams. And then donations will begin, and the money will have nowhere to go.

Having hidden the money in a green camping jacket, the grandmaster reminded the audience about his lecture and a session of simultaneous playing on 160 boards, kindly said goodbye until the evening and went to the Cardboard Club to meet with Ippolit Matveyevich.

I'm starving, - said Vorobyaninov in a crackling voice.

He was already sitting at the checkout window, but he had not yet collected a single penny and could not even buy a pound of bread. In front of him lay a green wire basket meant to be collected. Knives and forks are placed in such baskets in medium-sized houses.

Listen, Vorobyaninov, - shouted Ostap, stop cash transactions for an hour and a half! We're going to dine at Narpit. I'll describe the situation along the way. By the way, you need to shave and clean yourself. You just look like a barefoot. A grandmaster cannot have such suspicious acquaintances.

I didn't sell a single ticket, - said Ippolit Matveyevich.

No problem. By evening they will run. The city has already donated twenty rubles to me for organizing an international chess tournament.

So why do we need a simultaneous game session? whispered the administrator. - Because they can beat. And with twenty rubles we can immediately get a network on the ship - just "Karl Liebknecht" came from above, calmly go to Stalingrad and wait there for the arrival of the theater. Perhaps there will be able to open the chairs. Then we are rich and everything belongs to us.

You can't say such stupid things on an empty stomach. It negatively affects the brain. For twenty rubles - we, perhaps, will reach Stalingrad ... But what money to eat? Vitamins, dear comrade leader, are not given to anyone for free. On the other hand, it will be possible to break thirty rubles from the expansive Vasyukinites for a lecture and a session.

They will beat you! Vorobyaninov said bitterly.

Of course, there is a risk. They can fill the tanks. However, I have one thought that will protect you in any case. But more about that later. In the meantime, we are going to taste some local dishes.

By six o'clock in the evening, well-fed, shaved and smelling of cologne, the grandmaster entered the box office of the Cartoner club.

Well-fed and shaved, Vorobyaninov was briskly selling tickets.

Well, how? the grandmaster asked softly.

Input - thirty and for the game - twenty, the administrator answered.

Sixteen rubles. Weak, weak!

What are you, Bender, look what a queue is! Will inevitably be killed.

Don't think about it. When they beat you, you will cry, but for now, do not linger! Learn to trade!

An hour later, there were thirty-five rubles in the cash register. The audience was excited in the hall.

Close the window! Let's get money! - said Ostap. - Now here's what. Here you have five rubles, go to the pier, hire a boat for two hours and wait for me on the shore, below the barn. We will take an evening walk. Don't worry about me. I'm in shape today.

The grandmaster entered the hall. He felt cheerful and knew for sure that the first move e2-e4 did not threaten him with any complications. The rest of the moves, however, were already drawn in a perfect fog, but this did not bother the great strategist in the least. He had a completely unexpected way out prepared to save even the most hopeless party.

The grandmaster was greeted with applause. The small club hall was hung with colorful flags.

A week ago, an evening of the "Society for Rescue on the Waters" was held, as evidenced also by the slogan on the wall:

THE BUSINESS OF HELPING THE DROWNING -
THE WORK OF THE HANDS THEMSELVES

Ostap bowed, stretched out his hands, as if rejecting the applause he did not deserve, and went up to the stage.

Comrades! he said in a beautiful voice. - Comrades and brothers in chess, the subject of my lecture today is what I read about, and I must admit, not without success, in Nizhny Novgorod a week ago. The subject of my lecture is a fruitful opening idea. What, comrades, is a debut, and what, comrades, is an idea? The debut, comrades, is "Quasi una fantasia". And what, comrades, is an idea? An idea, comrades, is a human thought clothed in a logical chess form. Even with negligible forces, you can master the entire board. Everything depends on each individual individually. Like that blond guy over there in the third row. Let's say he plays well...

The blonde in the third row blushed.

And that brunette over there, for example, is worse. Everyone turned and looked at the brunette as well.

What do we see, comrades? We see that the blond plays well, and the brunette plays poorly. And no lectures will change this correlation of forces, unless each individual individually constantly trains in checkers... that is, I wanted to say - in chess... And now, comrades, I will tell you a few instructive stories from the practice of our esteemed hypermodernists Capablanca, Dr. Grigoriev.

Ostap told the audience a few Old Testament anecdotes, gleaned as a child from the Blue Journal, and with this ended the interlude.

Everyone was a little surprised by the brevity of the lecture. And the one-eyed man did not take his only eye off the grandmaster's shoes.

However, the beginning of the simultaneous game delayed the growing suspicion of the one-eyed chess player. Together with everyone, he arranged the tables in peace. In total, thirty amateurs sat down to play against the grandmaster. Many of them were completely bewildered and kept looking at chess textbooks, refreshing in memory the complex variations with the help of which they hoped to surrender to the grandmaster at least after the twenty-second move.

Ostap glanced at the ranks of the “blacks” that surrounded him on all sides, at the closed door, and undauntedly set to work. He approached the one-eyed man, who was sitting at the first board, and moved the king's pawn from square e2 to square e4.

The one-eyed man immediately grabbed his ears with his hands and began to think hard. It rustled through the ranks of lovers:

The grandmaster played e2-e4. Ostap did not indulge his opponents with a variety of openings. On the remaining twenty-nine boards, he did the same operation: he moved the king's pawn from e2 to e4. One by one, the amateurs clutched at their hair and plunged into feverish discussions, The non-players looked after the grandmaster. The only amateur photographer in the city was already perched on a chair and was about to set fire to magnesium, but Ostap angrily waved his hands and, interrupting his course along the boards, shouted loudly:

Remove the photographer! It interferes with my chess thought!

“Why on earth would you leave your picture in this miserable little town. I don't like dealing with the police, he decided to himself.

The indignant hiss of the amateurs forced the photographer to abandon his attempt. The outrage was so great that the photographer was even kicked out of the room. On the third move, it turned out that the grandmaster was playing eighteen Spanish parties. In the remaining twelve, Black used the Philidor's Defence, albeit outdated, but quite true. If Ostap knew that he plays such tricky games and faces such a tried defense, he would be extremely surprised. The fact is that the great strategist played chess for the second time in his life.

At first the amateurs, and the first among them, the one-eyed one, were horrified. The grandmaster's cunning was undeniable.

With extraordinary ease and certainly sarcastic in his soul over the backward fans of the city of Vasyuki, the grandmaster sacrificed pawns, heavy and light pieces right and left. He donated even a queen to the brunette who was cursed at the lecture. The brunet was horrified and wanted to give up immediately, but only by a terrible effort of will forced himself to continue the game.

Thunder from a clear sky was heard in five minutes.

Mat! - the frightened brunette murmured to death. - You checkmate, comrade grandmaster.

Ostap analyzed the situation, shamefully called the "queen" "queen" and pompously congratulated the brunette on his win. A rumble ran through the rows of amateurs.

"It's time to run away," thought Ostap, calmly pacing among the tables and carelessly rearranging the pieces.

You placed the knight incorrectly, comrade grandmaster, - the one-eyed one fawned over. The horse doesn't walk like that.

Sorry, sorry, I'm sorry, - answered the grandmaster, - after the lecture I was somewhat tired.

Over the next ten minutes, the grandmaster lost another ten games.

Surprised cries were heard in the premises of the Cardboard Club. A conflict was brewing. Ostap lost fifteen games in a row, and soon three more. There was only one left. At the beginning of the game, he made many mistakes out of fear and now with difficulty led the game to a victorious end. Ostap, unnoticed by others, stole the black rook from the board and hid it in his pocket.

The crowd closed in tightly around the players.

My boat had just been in this place! - shouted the one-eyed man, looking around, - and now she is gone!

No, that means it never happened!” Ostap replied rudely. - How could it not? I clearly remember!

Of course it wasn't!

Where did she go? Did you win it?

Won.

When? On what move?

Why are you fooling me with your boat? If you give up, then say so!

Allow me, comrades, I have all the moves written down!

The office is writing,” said Ostap.

It's outrageous! yelled the one-eyed man. - Give me back my boat.

Give up, give up, what kind of cat and mouse are these!

Give me the rook!

With these words, the grandmaster, realizing that procrastination is like death, scooped up several pieces in a handful and threw them at the head of the one-eyed opponent.

Comrades! squealed the one-eyed man. - See everyone! The amateur is beaten! The chess players of the city of Vasyuki were taken aback. Wasting no precious time, Ostap threw the chessboard at the lamp and, striking someone's jaws and foreheads in the darkness, ran out into the street. Vasyukin's lovers, falling on each other, rushed after him.

It was a moonlit evening. Ostap rushed along the silver street lightly, like an angel, pushing off from the sinful earth. In view of the failed transformation of Vasyukov into the center of the universe, they had to flee not among palaces, but among log houses with external shutters. Behind rushed chess lovers.

Hold on grandmaster! - roared the one-eyed.

Rogue! - supported the rest.

Dudes! - snarled the grandmaster, increasing the speed. - Guard! shouted the beaten chess players. Ostap jumped up the stairs leading to the pier. He had to run four hundred steps. On the sixth platform, two amateurs were already waiting for him, who had made their way here by a roundabout path right along the slope. Ostap looked around. From above rolled like a pack of dogs a close group of furious admirers of Philidor's defense. There was no retreat. Therefore, Ostap ran forward.

Here I am now, you bastards! - he barked to the brave scouts, rushing from the fifth platform.

The frightened scouts hooted, rolled over the railing and rolled somewhere into the darkness of hillocks and slopes. The path was clear.

Hold on grandmaster! - rolled from above. The pursuers fled, clattering down the wooden stairs like falling bowling pins.

Running ashore, Ostap dodged to the right, looking for a boat with an administrator loyal to him.

Ippolit Matveyevich sat idyllically in the boat. Ostap thumped on the bench and furiously began to row from the shore. A minute later, stones flew into the boat. One of them was hit by Ippolit Matveyevich. A little above the volcanic pimple, he had a dark nodule. Ippolit Matveyevich buried his head in his shoulders and whimpered.

Here's another hat! I almost had my head torn off, and I'm nothing: cheerful and cheerful. And if we take into account another fifty rubles of net profit, then for one ghoul on your head - the fee is quite decent.

Meanwhile, the pursuers, who only now realized that the plan to turn the Vasyukovs into New Moscow had collapsed and that the grandmaster was taking away fifty blood Vasyukin rubles from the city, plunged into a large boat and rowed screaming into the middle of the river. There were thirty people in the boat. Everyone wanted to take a personal part in the massacre of the grandmaster. The expedition was commanded by a one-eyed man. His only eye glittered in the night like a beacon.

Hold Grandmaster! - Shouted in an overloaded barque.

Go, Kisa! - said Ostap. - If they catch up with us, I can not vouch for the integrity of your pince-nez.

Both boats went downstream. The distance between them was shrinking. Ostap was exhausted.

Don't leave, you bastards! they shouted from the bar. Ostap did not answer: there was no time. The oars pulled out of the water. Water flew out from under the raging oars in streams and fell into the boat.

Go ahead, Ostap whispered to himself. Ippolit Matveyevich toiled. The bar was jubilant. Its tall hull was already bypassing the boat of the concessionaires on the left hand in order to press the grandmaster to the shore. The concessionaires met with a deplorable fate. The joy on the barge was so great that all the chess players moved to the starboard side, so that, having caught up with the boat, they would attack the villainous grandmaster with superior forces.

Take care of your pince-nez, Kitty! shouted Ostap in despair, throwing down the oars. - It will start now!

Lord! Ippolit Matveyevich suddenly exclaimed in a cock's voice. - Are you going to beat us?

And how! thundered Vasyukin's amateurs, about to jump into the boat.

But at that time, an extremely insulting incident for honest chess players all over the world happened. The barge suddenly tipped over and scooped up water on its starboard side.

Be careful! squeaked the one-eyed captain. But it was already too late. Too many amateurs have accumulated on the starboard side of the Vasyukinsky dreadnought. Having changed the center of gravity, the barge did not oscillate and turned over in full accordance with the laws of physics.

A general cry broke the calm of the river.

Wow! the chess players groaned. As many as thirty lovers found themselves in the water. They quickly swam to the surface and, one by one, clung to the overturned barge. The one-eyed one landed last.

Dudes! shouted Ostap in delight. “Why don't you beat your grandmaster? You, if I'm not mistaken, wanted to beat me?

Ostap described a circle around the wrecked.

You understand, Vasyukin individuals, that I could drown you one by one, but I will give you life. Live, citizens! Only, for the creator's sake, don't play chess! You just don't know how to play! Oh, you dudes, dudes... Let's go further, Ippolit Matveyevich. Farewell, one-eyed lovers! I'm afraid that Vasyuki will not become the center of the universe. I don't think chess masters would come to fools like you, even if I asked them to. Farewell, lovers of strong chess sensations! Long live the Four Horses Club!

In the morning, a tall, thin old man in a gold pince-nez and short, very dirty, boots stained with glue paints walked around Vasyuki. He pasted handwritten posters on the walls:

In the premises of the Cardboard Club

will take place

Lecture on the topic:

«FRUIT DEBUT IDEA»

SESSION OF SIMULTANEOUS CHESS

On 160 boards

Grandmaster (senior master) O. BENDER.

Everyone comes with their own boards.

Game fee - 50 kopecks.

Entrance fee - 20 kopecks.

Starting at exactly 6 o'clock. vech.

Administrator K. Michelson.

The grandmaster himself wasted no time either. Having rented the club for three rubles, he transferred to the chess section, which for some reason was located in the corridor of the horse breeding department.A one-eyed man was sitting in the chess section reading Shpilhagen's novel in the Panteleevsky edition*.

– Grandmaster O. Bender! Ostap declared, sitting down on the table. - I'm arranging a simultaneous game session for you.

“Just a minute, Comrade Grandmaster!” shouted the one-eyed man. - Sit down, please. I am now.

And the one-eyed man ran away. Ostap examined the premises of the chess section. There were photographs of racing horses on the walls, and on the table lay a dusty ledger with the title: « Achievements of the Vasyukin Shah Section in 1925.

One-eyed returned with a dozen citizens of various ages. They all approached in turn to get acquainted, named the names and respectfully shook hands with the grandmaster.

“On our way to Kazan,” Ostap said curtly, “yes, yes, the session is tonight, come.” And now, excuse me, I'm not in shape, I'm tired after the Carlsbad tournament.

Vasyukin's chess players listened to Ostap with sonlike love. Ostap carried. He felt a surge of new strength and chess ideas.

“You won’t believe,” he said, “how far chess thought has moved. You know, Lasker reached the point of vulgar things, it became impossible to play with him. He smokes his opponents with cigars. And he smokes cheap ones on purpose, so that the smoke is nastier. The chess world is in turmoil.

The grandmaster moved on to local topics.

- Why is there no game of thought in the province! For example, here is your chess section. So it is called - chess section. Boring girls! Why don't you, in fact, call it something beautiful, truly chess. This would draw the allied masses into the section. For example, they would name your section - “Chess club of four horses » , or « Red endgame", or "Loss of quality when winning a tempo". It would be nice! Soundly!

The idea was a success.

- And in fact, - said the Vasyukintsy, - why not rename our section into the club of four horses?

Since the bureau of the chess section was right there, Ostap organized a minute meeting under his honorary chairmanship, at which the section was unanimously renamed the chess club of four horses. Grandmaster with his own hand, using the lessons of Scriabin » , artistically made a signboard with four horses and the corresponding inscription on a sheet of cardboard.

- Chess! Ostap said. Do you know what chess is? They move forward not only culture, but also the economy! Do you know that the four horses chess club, if properly organized, can completely transform the city of Vasyuki?

Ostap hasn't eaten anything since yesterday. Therefore, his eloquence was unusual.

- Yes! he shouted. – Chess enriches the country! If you agree to my project, then you will go down from the city to the pier on marble stairs! Vasyuki will become the center of ten provinces! What have you heard about the city of Semmering before? Nothing! And now this town is rich and famous only because an international tournament was organized there. That's why I say: an international chess tournament should be held in Vasyuki!

- As? they all shouted.

– Quite a real thing, – answered the grandmaster, – my personal connections and your initiative – that's all necessary and sufficient for the organization of the international Vasyukin tournament. Think about how beautiful it will sound - « International Vasyukin tournament in 1927". The arrival of José Raoul Capablanca, Emanuel Lasker, Alekhine, Nimzowitsch, Reti, Rubinstein, Maroczy, Tarrasch, Vidmar and Dr. Grigoriev* is guaranteed. In addition, my participation is also guaranteed!

- But money! the Vasyukins groaned. They all need to be paid! Many thousands of money! Where can you get them?

- Everything is taken into account by a mighty hurricane! O. Bender said. - Money will give fees!

- Who will pay such crazy money? Vasyukintsy...

- What kind of Vasyukintsy are there! Vasyukintsy will not pay money. They will beat them! It's all extremely simple. After all, chess lovers from all over the world will come to the tournament with the participation of such greatest weltmasters. Hundreds of thousands of people, wealthy people, will strive to Vasyuki.

First, river transportcan't lift that many people. Consequently, the NKPS will build

railway line Moscow - Vasyuki. This is one.

Two are hotels and skyscrapers to accommodate guests.

Three - this is the rise of agriculture within a radius of a thousand kilometers: guests need to be supplied - vegetables, fruits, caviar, chocolates. The palace in which the tournament will take place is four.

Five - the construction of garages for guest vehicles. To transmit the sensational results of the tournament to the whole world, a super-powerful radio station will have to be built. This is sixth.

Now, regarding the railway line Moscow - Vasyuki. Undoubtedly, this will not have such a capacity to transport everyone to Vasyuki. From here follows the airport "Bolshie Vasyuki » - Regular departures of mail planes and airships to all parts of the world, including Los Angeles and Melbourne.

Dazzling prospects unfolded before Vasyukin's amateurs. The room has expanded. The rotten walls of the horse-breeding nest collapsed, and instead of them, a thirty-three-story glass palace of chess thought went into the blue sky. In every hall, in every room, and evenThoughtful people sat in bullet-speeding elevators and played chess on inlaid

malachite boards. Marble stairs really cascaded into the blue Volga. There were ocean-going ships on the river. Mouth-faced foreigners, chess ladies, Australian fans of the Indian defense, Indians in white turbans - adherents of the Spanish party, Germans, French, New Zealanders, residents of the Amazon basin and, envious of the Vasyukinites - Muscovites, Leningraders, Kievans, Siberians and Odessans climbed into the city by funiculars. .

Cars moved in a conveyor among marble hotels.

But now, everything has stopped. From a luxury hotel " Prohodnaya pawn "the world champion was released

José Raul Capablanca y Graupera. Ladies surrounded him. A policeman dressed in a special chess uniformu (breeches in a cage and elephants on buttonholes), politely saluted. The one-eyed chairman of Vasyukin's club of four horses approached the champion with dignity. The conversation between the two luminaries, conducted in English, was interrupted by the arrival of Dr. Grigoriev and the future world champion Alekhine. The cheers shook the city. José Raul Capablanca y Graupera grimaced. At a wave of the one-eyed man's hand, a marble staircase was brought up to the airplane. Dr. Grigoriev ran down it, waving his new hat in greeting and commenting on Capablanca's possible mistake in the upcoming match with Alekhine.

Suddenly, a black dot was seen on the horizon. It quickly approached and grew, turning into a large emerald parachute. Like a big radish, a man with a suitcase hung on a parachute ring.

- It's him! shouted the one-eyed man. - Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! I recognize the great chess philosopher, old man Lasker. He is the only one in the whole world who wears such green socks.

Hoe-Raul Capablanca y Graupera grimaced again.

Lasker was deftly put up with a marble staircase, and the cheerful ex-champion, blowing off a speck of dust from his left sleeve that had settled on him during his flight over Silesia, fell into the arms of the one-eyed man. The one-eyed man grabbed Lasker by the waist, led him to the champion, and said:

- Make peace! I ask you about this on behalf of the broad Vasyukin masses! Make peace!

José Raul sighed noisily and, shaking the hand of the old veteran, said:

– I have always admired your idea of ​​transferring the bishop in the Spanish game from b5 to c4!

- Hooray! exclaimed the one-eyed man. – Simple and convincing, in the style of a champion!

And the whole boundless crowd picked up:

- Hooray! Vivat! Banzai! Simple and convincing, in the style of a champion!!!

Enthusiasm reached its peak. Seeing Maestro Duza-Khotimirsky and Maestro Perekatov, floating over the city in an egg-shaped orange airship, the one-eyed man waved his hand. Two and a half million people in one inspired impulse sang:

Wonderful is the law of chess and immutable: Whoever has gained an advantage even if insignificant In space, mass, time, pressure of forces Only for that a direct path to victory is possible.

Express trains rolled up to the twelve Vasyukinsky railway stations, disembarking more and more crowds of chess lovers.

A runner ran up to the one-eyed man.

– Confusion at the heavy duty radio station. Your help is required.

At the radio station, engineers greeted the one-eyed man with shouts:

- Distress signals! Distress signals!

One-Eyed put on his radio headphones and listened.

- Wow! Wow, wow! Desperate screams echoed through the air. – SOS! SOS! SOS! Save our souls!

Who are you, begging for salvation? the one-eyed man shouted sternly into the air.

“I am a young Mexican!” air waves said. - Save my soul!

- What do you have for the four knights chess club?

- The lowest request! ..

- What's the matter?

“I am the young Mexican Torre!” I just got out of the insane asylum. Let me into the tournament! Let me go!

– Ah! I have no time! - answered the one-eyed.

– SOS! SOS! SOS! - screeched the ether.

- OK then! Fly already!

- I have no de-e-neg! came from the shores of the Gulf of Mexico.

- Oh! Those young chess players for me! The one-eyed man sighed. “Send a motor-air railcar for him. Let him go!

Already the sky was on fire with luminous advertisements, when a white horse was led through the streets of the city. It was the only horse that survived after the mechanization of the Vasyukin transport. By a special decree, she was renamed a horse, although she was considered a mare all her life. Chess fans greeted her waving palm branches and chess boards...

“Don’t worry,” said Ostap, “my project guarantees your city an unheard of prosperity.”

- All over the world!!! groaned the deafened Vasyukins.

- Yes! And then the universe. A chess idea that turned a county town into the capital of the world

Ostap wiped his noble forehead. He was hungry to such an extent that he would gladly eat a fried chess horse.

“Yes,” the one-eyed man squeezed out of himself, looking around the dusty room with a crazy look, “but how can you practically bring the event to life, bring, so to speak, a base? ..

Those present looked intently at the grandmaster.

- I repeat that in practice the matter depends only on your initiative. The whole organization, I repeat, I take upon myself. There are no material costs, except for the costs of telegrams.

One-Eyed was pushing his companions.

- Well? he asked. – What do you say?

- Let's arrange it! Let's arrange! - Vasyukintsy roared

- How much money is needed for ... these ... telegrams?

“A ridiculous figure,” said Ostap, “a hundred roubles.”

- We have only twenty-one rubles and sixteen kopecks in the cash register. This, of course, we understand, is far from enough ...

But the grandmaster turned out to be a complaisant organizer.

“All right,” he said, “give us your twenty roubles.”

- Is that enough? asked the one-eyed man.

- Enough for the initial telegrams. And then the influx of donations will begin, and the money will have nowhere to go! ..

Having hidden the money in a green camping jacket, the grandmaster reminded the audience about his lecture and the session of simultaneous playing on 160 boards, kindly said goodbye until the evening and went to the Cardboard Club to meet with Ippolit Matveyevich.

- I'm starving! Vorobyaninov said in a crackling voice.

He was already sitting at the checkout window, but he had not yet collected a single penny and could not even buy a pound of bread. In front of him lay a green wire basket meant to be collected. Knives and forks are placed in such baskets in medium-sized houses.

“Listen, Vorobyaninov,” shouted Ostap, “stop cash transactions for an hour and a half. We're going to dine at Narpeet. I'll describe the situation along the way. By the way, you need to shave and clean yourself. You just look like a barefoot. A grandmaster cannot have such suspicious acquaintances.

“I didn’t sell a single ticket,” said Ippolit Matveyevich.

- No problem. By evening they will run. The city has already donated twenty rubles to me for the organization of an international chess tournament.

“So why do we need a simultaneous game session?” whispered the administrator. - Because they can be beaten. And with twenty rubles, we can immediately board the steamer, just as "Karl Liebknecht" came from above, calmly go to Stalingrad and wait there for the arrival of the theater. Perhaps in Stalingrad it will be possible to open the chairs. Then we are rich and everything belongs to us.

You can't say such stupid things on an empty stomach. It negatively affects the brain. For twenty rubles, we may be able to get to Stalingrad. And what money to eat? Vitamins, dear comrade leader, are not given to anyone for free. On the other hand, it will be possible to break thirty rubles from the expansive Vasyukinites for a lecture and a session.

- They'll beat you! Vorobyaninov said bitterly.

– Of course, there is a risk. They can fill the tanks. However, I have one thought that will protect you, in any case. But more about that later. In the meantime, we are going to taste some local dishes.

By six o'clock in the evening, well-fed, shaved and smelling of cologne, the grandmaster entered the box office of the Cartoner club. Well-fed and shaved, Vorobyaninov was briskly selling tickets.

- Well, how? the grandmaster asked softly.

“Thirty inputs and twenty for the game,” the administrator answered.

- Sixteen rubles. Weak, weak!

- What are you, Bender, look what a queue is! Will inevitably get killed!

“Don't think about it. When they beat you, you will cry, but for now, do not linger! Learn to trade!

An hour later, there were thirty-five rubles in the cash register. The audience was excited in the hall.

- Close the window! Let's get money! Ostap said. “Now here's what. Here you have five rubles, go to the pier, hire a boat for two hours and wait for me on the bank below the barn. We will take an evening walk. Don't worry about me. I'm in shape today.

The grandmaster entered the hall. He felt cheerful and knew for sure that the first move e2–e4 did not threaten him with any complications. The rest of the moves, however, were already drawn in a perfect fog, but this did not bother the great strategist in the least. He had a completely unexpected way out prepared to save even the most hopeless party.

The grandmaster was greeted with applause. The small club hall was hung with colorful paper flags. A week ago it was evening "Societies for Rescue on the Waters", as evidenced also by the slogan on the wall: « The work of helping the drowning is the work of the drowning themselves.

Ostap bowed, stretched out his hands, as if rejecting the applause he did not deserve, and went up to the stage.

Comrades! he said in a beautiful voice. - Comrades and brothers in chess, the subject of my lecture today is what I read about and, I must admit, not without success in Nizhny Novgorod a week ago. The subject of my lecture is a fruitful opening idea. What, comrades, is a debut, and what, comrades, is an idea*? The debut, comrades, is quasi una fantasia.

And what, comrades, is an idea? An idea, comrades, is a human thought clothed in a logical chess form. Even with negligible forces, you can master the entire board. Everything depends on each individual individually. Like that blond guy over there in the third row. Let's say he plays well...

The blonde in the third row blushed.

- And that brunette over there, for example, is worse.

Everyone turned and looked at the brunette as well.

What do we see, comrades? We see that the blond plays well, and the brunette plays poorly. And no lectures will change this correlation of forces, unless each individual individually constantly trains in checkers ... that is, I wanted to say - in chess ... And now, comrades, I will tell you a few instructive stories from the practice of our respected hypermodernists Capablanca, Lasker and Dr. Grigoriev.

Ostap told the audience several Old Testament anecdotes gleaned as a child from the Blue Journal, and with that ended the interlude.

Everyone was a little surprised by the brevity of the lecture. And the one-eyed man did not take his only eye off the grandmaster's shoes.

However, the beginning of the simultaneous game delayed the growing suspicion of the one-eyed chess player.

Ostap glanced down the ranks « black ", who surrounded him on all sides, through the closed door and fearlessly set to work. He approached the one-eyed man, who was sitting at the first board, and moved the king's pawn from square e2 to square e4.

The one-eyed man immediately grabbed his ears with his hands and began to think hard. It rustled through the ranks of lovers:

– The grandmaster played e2 – e4.

Ostap did not indulge his opponents with a variety of openings. On the remaining twenty-nine boards he did the same operation: he moved the king's pawn from e2 to e4. One by one, the amateurs clutched at their hair and plunged into feverish speculation. The non-playing players looked after the grandmaster. The only amateur photographer in the city was already perched on a chair and was about to set fire to magnesium, but Ostap angrily waved his hands and, interrupting his flow along the boards, shouted loudly:

- Remove the photographer! It interferes with my chess thought!

"Why on earth would I leave my picture in this miserable little town. I don't like dealing with the police," he thought to himself.

The indignant hiss of the amateurs forced the photographer to abandon his attempt. The outrage was so great that the photographer was even kicked out of the room.

At first the amateurs, and the first among them, the one-eyed one, were horrified. The grandmaster's cunning was undeniable. With extraordinary ease and, of course, sarcastic in his soul over the backward fans of the city of Vasyuki, the grandmaster sacrificed pawns, heavy and light pieces to the right and left. He donated even a queen to the brunette who was cursed at the lecture. The brunet was horrified and wanted to give up immediately, but only by a terrible effort of will forced himself to continue the game.

Thunder from a clear sky was heard in five minutes.

- Mat! - the frightened brunette murmured to death. - Checkmate, comrade grandmaster!

Ostap analyzed the situation, shamefully called « queen" « Queen” and pompously congratulated the brunette on his win. A rumble ran through the rows of amateurs.

« It's time to tear the claws!" thought Ostap, calmly pacing among the tables and carelessly rearranging the pieces.

“You placed the knight incorrectly, comrade grandmaster,” the one-eyed man groaned. The horse doesn't walk like that.

“Pardon, pardon, I’m sorry,” the grandmaster answered, “after the lecture I was somewhat tired!”

Over the next ten minutes, the grandmaster lost another ten games.

Surprised cries were heard in the club room « Cardboarder". A conflict was brewing.

Ostap lost fifteen games in a row, and soon three more. There was only one left. At the beginning of the game, he made many mistakes out of fear and now with difficulty led the game to a victorious end. Ostap, unnoticed by others, stole the black rook from the board and hid it in his pocket.

The crowd closed in tightly around the players.

“My boat was just in this place!” shouted the one-eyed man, looking around. “And now she’s gone.”

“No, that means it wasn’t!” Ostap said rudely.

- How could it not? I clearly remember!

“Of course it wasn't.

- Where did she go? Did you win it?

- Won.

- When? On what move?

- Why are you fooling me with your boat? If you give up, then say so!

- Excuse me, comrade, I have all the moves written down.

The office is writing! Ostap said.

- It's outrageous! yelled the one-eyed man. - Give me back my boat!

- Give up, give up, what kind of cat and mouse are these!

- Give me the rook!

- Give you a rook? Maybe give you another key to the apartment where the money is?

With these words, the grandmaster, realizing that procrastination is like death, scooped up several pieces in a handful and threw them at the head of the one-eyed opponent.

- Comrades! squealed the one-eyed man. - Look everyone! The lover is beaten.

The chess players of the city of Vasyuki were taken aback.

Wasting no precious time, Ostap threw chessboard into a kerosene lamp and, striking in the ensuing darkness on someone's jaws and foreheads, ran out into the street. Vasyukin's lovers, falling on each other, rushed after him.

It was a moonlit evening. Ostap rushed along the silver street lightly, like an angel, pushing off from the sinful earth. In view of the failed transformation of Vasyukov into the center of the universe, they had to flee not among palaces, but among log houses with external shutters. Behind rushed chess lovers.

- Hold the grandmaster! roared the one-eyed man.

- Julie! - supported by the rest.

- Dudes! the grandmaster snarled, increasing his speed.

- Guard! shouted the beaten chess players.

Ostap jumped up the stairs leading to the pier. He had to run four hundred steps. On the sixth platform, two amateurs were already waiting for him, who had made their way here by a roundabout path right along the slope. Ostap looked around. From above rolled like a pack of dogs a close group of furious admirers of Philidor's defense. There was no retreat. Therefore, Ostap ran forward.

- Here I am now, you bastards! - he barked at the brave scouts, rushing from the fifth platform.

The frightened scouts hooted, waddling over the railing, and rolled somewhere into the darkness of hillocks and slopes. The path was clear.

- Hold the grandmaster! - rolled from above.

The pursuers fled, clattering down the wooden stairs like falling bowling pins.

Running ashore, Ostap dodged to the right, looking for a boat with an administrator loyal to him.

Ippolit Matveyevich sat idyllically in the boat. Ostap thumped on the bench and furiously began to row from the shore. A minute later, stones flew into the boat. One of them was hit by Ippolit Matveyevich. A little above the volcanic pimple, he had a dark nodule. Ippolit Matveyevich buried his head in his shoulders and whimpered.

- Here's another hat! I almost got my head cut off. And I'm nothing. Cheerful and cheerful. And if we take into account another fifty rubles of net profit, then for one ghoul on your head - the fee is quite decent.

Meanwhile, the pursuers, who only now realized that the plan to turn the Vasyukovs into New Moscow had collapsed and that the grandmaster was taking away fifty blood Vasyukin rubles from the city, plunged into a large boat and rowed them screaming into the middle of the river. There were thirty people in the boat. Everyone wanted to take a personal part in the massacre of the grandmaster. The expedition was commanded by a one-eyed man. His only eye glittered in the night like a beacon.

- Hold Grandmaster! - Shouted in an overloaded barge.

- I'm going, Kisa! Ostap said. “If they catch up with us, I can't vouch for your pince-nez.

Both boats went downstream. The distance between them was shrinking. Ostap was exhausted.

"Don't leave, you bastards!" shouted from the bar.

Ostap did not answer. There was no time. The oars pulled out of the water. Water flew out from under the raging oars in streams and fell into the boat.

- Go ahead! Ostap whispered to himself.

Ippolit Matveyevich toiled. The bar was jubilant. Her high body already bypassed the boat

“Take care of your pince-nez, Kitty,” Ostap shouted in despair, throwing down the oars, “it’s about to start!”

- Lord! Ippolit Matveyevich suddenly exclaimed in a cock's voice. “Are you going to beat us?!

- And how! thundered Vasyukin's amateurs, about to jump into the boat.

But at that time, an extremely insulting incident for honest chess players all over the world happened. The barge tipped over and scooped up water on its starboard side.

“Be careful,” the one-eyed captain squeaked.

But it was already too late. Too many fans have accumulated on the starboard side of Vasyukin's dreadnought. Having changed the center of gravity, the barge did not oscillate and turned over in full accordance with the laws of physics.

A general cry broke the calm of the river.

- Wow! the chess players groaned.

As many as thirty lovers found themselves in the water. They quickly swam to the surface and, one by one, clung to the overturned barge. The one-eyed one landed last.

- Dudes! shouted Ostap in delight. - Why don't you beat your grandmaster? You, if I'm not mistaken, wanted to beat me?

Ostap described a circle around the wrecked.

- You understand, Vasyukin individuals, that I could drown you one by one, but I will grant you

In the morning, a tall, thin old man in a gold pince-nez and short, very dirty, boots stained with glue paints walked around Vasyuki. He pasted handwritten posters on the walls:

22 June 1927

The Cardboard Maker Club will host a lecture on the topic: “A Fruitful Opening Idea” and a session of simultaneous chess playing on 160 boards by grandmaster (senior master) O. Bender.

Everyone comes with their own boards.

Game fee - 50 kopecks. Entrance fee - 20 kopecks.

Starting at exactly 6 o'clock. vech.

Administrator K. Michelson.

The grandmaster himself wasted no time either. Having rented the club for three rubles, he transferred to the chess section, which for some reason was located in the corridor of the horse breeding department. A one-eyed man was sitting in the chess section reading Shpilhagen's novel in the Panteleevsky edition.

Grandmaster O. Bender! Ostap declared, sitting down on the table. - Arrange you have a session of simultaneous play.

The only eye of the Vasyukin chess player opened up to the limits allowed by nature.

Just a minute, Comrade Grandmaster! shouted the one-eyed man. - Have a seat, please. I am now.

And the one-eyed man ran away. Ostap examined the premises of the chess section. On the walls were photographs of racing horses, and on the table lay a dusty ledger with the heading: "Achievements of the Vasyukin Shah Section in 1925."

One-eyed returned with a dozen citizens of various ages. They all approached in turn to get acquainted, named the names and respectfully shook hands with the grandmaster.

On our way to Kazan, - said Ostap abruptly, - yes, yes, the session is tonight, come. And now, excuse me, out of shape, tired after Carlsbad tournament.

Vasyukin's chess players listened to Ostap with sonlike love. Ostap carried. He felt a surge of new strength and chess ideas.

You won't believe, - he said, - how far chess thought has moved. You know, Lasker reached the point of vulgar things, it became impossible to play with him. He smokes his opponents with cigars. And he smokes cheap ones on purpose, so that the smoke is nastier. The chess world is in turmoil.

The grandmaster moved on to local topics.

Why is there no game of thought in the province! For example, here is your chess section. So it is called - chess section. Boring girls! Why don't you, in fact, call it something beautiful, truly chess. This would draw the allied masses into the section. For example, your section would be called “Chess club of four knights”, or “Red endgame”, or “Loss of quality when gaining tempo”. It would be nice! Soundly!

The idea was a success.

And in fact, - Vasyukintsy said, - why not rename our section to the four horses club?

Since the Bureau of the Chess Section was right there, Ostap organized a one-minute meeting under his honorary chairmanship, at which the section was unanimously renamed chess club of four horses.

Using the lessons of Scriabin, the grandmaster himself artistically made a signboard with four horses and the corresponding inscription on a piece of cardboard. This important event promised the flourishing of chess thought in Vasyuki.

Chess! Ostap said. - Do you know what chess is? They move forward not only culture, but also the economy! Do you know that four knights chess club with the right formulation of the case, will it be able to completely transform the city of Vasyuki?

Ostap hasn't eaten anything since yesterday. Therefore, his eloquence was unusual.

Yes! he shouted. - Chess enriches the country! If you agree to my project, then you will go down from the city to the pier on marble stairs! Vasyuki will become the center of ten provinces! What have you heard about the city of Semmering before? Nothing! And now this town is rich and famous only because an international tournament was organized there. That's why I say: an international chess tournament should be held in Vasyuki!

How? they all shouted.

Quite a real thing, - answered the grandmaster, - my personal connections and your initiative - that's all that is necessary and sufficient for organizing an international Vasyukinsky tournament. Think about how beautiful it will sound - "International Vasyukinsky tournament of 1927." The arrival of José Raul Capablanca, Emmanuel Lasker, Alekhine, Nimzowitsch, Reti, Rubinstein, Maroczi, Tarrasch, Vidmar and Dr. Grigoriev is assured. In addition, my participation is also guaranteed!

But money! groaned the Vasyukins. They all need to be paid! Many thousands of money! Where can you get them?

All taken into account by a mighty hurricane! - said O. Bender. - Money will give fees!

Who will pay such crazy money? Vasyukintsy...

What there Vasyukintsy! Vasyukintsy will not pay money. They will beat them! It's all extremely simple. After all, chess lovers from all over the world will come to the tournament with the participation of such greatest weltmasters. Hundreds of thousands of people, wealthy people, will strive to Vasyuki. Firstly, river transport will not be able to lift such a number of people. Consequently, the NKPS will build the Moscow-Vasyuki railway line. This is one. Two are hotels and skyscrapers to accommodate guests. Three - it raising agriculture within a radius of thousand kilometers: guests need to be supplied - vegetables, fruits, caviar, chocolate sweets. The palace in which the tournament will take place is four. Five - construction of garages for guest vehicles. To transmit the sensational results of the tournament to the whole world, a super-powerful radio station will have to be built. This is sixth. Now regarding the railway line Moscow - Vasyuki. Undoubtedly, this will not have such a capacity to transport everyone to Vasyuki. From here follows the airport "Bolshiye Vasyuki" - a regular departure of mail planes and airships to all parts of the world, including Los Angeles and Melbourne.

Dazzling prospects unfolded before Vasyukin's amateurs. The room has expanded. The rotten walls of the horse-breeding nest collapsed, and instead of them, a thirty-three-story glass palace of chess thought went into the blue sky. Thoughtful people sat in each of its halls, in each room and even in the elevators rushing by with a bullet and played chess on boards inlaid with malachite. marble stairs really fell into the blue Volga. There were ocean-going ships on the river. Mouth-faced foreigners, chess ladies, Australian fans of the Indian defense, Indians in white turbans - adherents of the Spanish party, Germans, French, New Zealanders, inhabitants of the Amazon River basin and envious of the Vasyukinites - Muscovites, Leningraders, Kievans, Siberians and Odessans climbed into the city on funiculars. . Cars moved in a conveyor belt among the marble hotels. But now, everything has stopped. The world champion José Raul Capablanca y Graupera stepped out of the fashionable Pawn Hotel. Ladies surrounded him. The policeman, dressed in a special chess uniform (breeches in a cage and elephants on the buttonholes), politely saluted. The one-eyed chairman of the Vasyukinsky four horses club. The conversation between the two luminaries, conducted in English, was interrupted by the arrival of Dr. Grigoriev and the future world champion Alekhine. The cheers shook the city. José Raul Capablanca y Graupera grimaced. At a wave of the one-eyed man's hand, a marble staircase was brought up to the airplane. Dr. Grigoriev ran down it, waving his new hat in greeting and commenting on Capablanca's possible mistake in the upcoming match with Alekhine.

Suddenly, a black dot was seen on the horizon. It quickly approached and grew, turning into a large emerald parachute. Like a big radish, a man with a suitcase hung on a parachute ring.

It's him! shouted the one-eyed man. - Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! I recognize the great chess philosopher old man Lasker. He is the only one in the whole world who wears such green socks.

José Raul Capablanca y Graupera grimaced again.

Lasker was deftly put up with a marble staircase, and the cheerful ex-champion, blowing off a speck of dust from his left sleeve that had settled on him during his flight over Silesia, fell into the arms of the one-eyed man. The one-eyed man grabbed Lasker by the waist, led him to the champion, and said:

Make peace! I ask you about this on behalf of the broad Vasyukin masses! Make peace! José Raul sighed noisily and, shaking the hand of the old veteran, said:

I have always admired your idea of ​​moving the bishop in the Spanish game from b5 to c4!

Hooray! exclaimed the one-eyed man. - Simple and convincing, in the style of a champion! And the whole boundless crowd picked up:

Hooray! Vivat! Banzai! Simple and convincing, in the style of a champion! ! !

Enthusiasm reached its peak. Seeing Maestro Duza-Khotimirsky and Maestro Perekatov, floating over the city in an egg-shaped orange airship, the one-eyed man waved his hand. Two and a half million people in one inspired impulse sang:

Wonderful is the law of chess and immutable: Whoever has gained an advantage even if insignificant In space, mass, time, pressure of forces - Only for that a direct path to victory is possible.

Express trains rolled up to the twelve Vasyukinsky railway stations, disembarking more and more crowds of chess lovers. A runner ran up to the one-eyed man.

- Confusion at the heavy duty radio station. Your help is required. At the radio station, engineers greeted the one-eyed man with shouts:

- Distress signals! Distress signals! One-Eyed put on his radio headphones and listened.

- Wow! Wow, wow! Desperate screams rang out on the air. - SOS! SOS! SOS! Save our souls!

- Who are you, begging for salvation? the one-eyed man shouted sternly into the air.

- I'm a young Mexican! - reported air waves. - Save my soul!

- What do you have for the four knights chess club?

- The lowest request! ..

- What's the matter?

- I am a young Mexican Torre! I just got out of the insane asylum. Let me into the tournament! Let me go!

- Ah! I have no time! - answered the one-eyed.

- SOS! SOS! SOS! - the ether squealed.

- OK then! Fly already!

- I have no de-e-neg! - came from the shores of the Gulf of Mexico.

- Oh! Those young chess players for me! The one-eyed man sighed. - Send for him a motor-air railcar. Let him go!

Already the sky was on fire with luminous advertisements, when a white horse was led through the streets of the city. It was the only horse that survived after the mechanization of the Vasyukin transport. By a special decree, she was renamed a horse, although she was considered a mare all her life. Chess fans greeted her waving palm branches and chess boards...

Do not worry, - said Ostap, - my project guarantees your city an unprecedented flourishing of productive forces. Think about what will happen when the tournament is over and when all the guests leave. The inhabitants of Moscow, constrained by the housing crisis, will rush to your magnificent city. The capital automatically moves to Vasyuki. Here moves government. Vasyuki are renamed New Moscow, and Moscow - Old Vasyuki. Leningraders and Kharkovites grind their teeth, but they can't do anything. New Moscow becomes the most elegant center of Europe, and soon the whole world.

All over the world! ! ! groaned the deafened Vasyukins.

Yes! And then the universe. Chess thought, which has turned a county town into the capital of the globe, will turn into an applied science and invent ways of interplanetary communication. Signals will fly from Vasyukov to Mars, Jupiter and Neptune. Communication with Venus will become as easy as moving from Rybinsk to Yaroslavl. And there, who knows, maybe in eight years Vasyuki will host the first interplanetary chess game in the history of the universe. tournament!

Ostap wiped his noble forehead. He was hungry to such an extent that he would gladly eat a fried chess horse.

Yes, - the one-eyed man squeezed out of himself, looking around the dusty room with a crazy look, - but how can you practically bring the event to life, bring, so to speak, a base? ..

Those present looked intently at the grandmaster.

I repeat that practically the matter depends only on your initiative. The whole organization, I repeat, I take upon myself. There are no material costs, except for the costs of telegrams.

One-Eyed was pushing his companions.

Well? he asked. - What do you say?

Let's arrange! Let's arrange! - uproar Vasyukintsy.

How much money is needed for ... these ... telegrams?

A ridiculous figure, - said Ostap, - one hundred rubles.

We have only twenty-one rubles and sixteen kopecks in the cash register. This, of course, we understand, is far from enough ...

But the grandmaster turned out to be a complaisant organizer.

All right, - he said, - let's have your twenty rubles.

Is that enough? asked the one-eyed man.

Enough for primary telegrams. And then the influx of donations will begin, and the money will have nowhere to go! ..

Having hidden the money in a green camping jacket, the grandmaster reminded the audience about his lecture and a session of simultaneous playing on 160 boards, kindly said goodbye until the evening and went to the Cardboard Club to meet with Ippolit Matveyevich.

I'm starving! said Vorobyaninov in a crackling voice.

He was already sitting at the checkout window, but he had not yet collected a single penny and could not even buy a pound of bread. In front of him lay a green wire basket meant to be collected. Knives and forks are placed in such baskets in medium-sized houses.

Listen, Vorobyaninov, - shouted Ostap, - stop cash transactions for an hour and a half. Let's go to dinner at Narpit. I'll describe the situation along the way. By the way, you need to shave and clean yourself. You just look like a barefoot. A grandmaster cannot have such suspicious acquaintances.

I didn't sell a single ticket, - said Ippolit Matveyevich.

No problem. By evening they will run. The city has already donated twenty rubles to me for the organization of an international chess tournament.

So why do we need a simultaneous game session? whispered the administrator. - Because they can beat. And with twenty rubles, we can immediately board a steamer, just as "Karl Liebknecht" came from above, calmly go to Stalingrad and wait for the theater to arrive there. maybe in Stalingrad able to open the chairs. Then we are rich and everything belongs to us.

You can't say such stupid things on an empty stomach. It negatively affects the brain. For twenty rubles, we may be able to get to Stalingrad. And what money to eat? Vitamins, dear comrade leader, are not given to anyone for free. On the other hand, it will be possible to break thirty rubles from the expansive Vasyukinites for a lecture and a session.

They will beat you! Vorobyaninov said bitterly.

Of course, there is a risk. They can fill the tanks. However, I have one thought that will protect you, in any case. But more about that later. In the meantime, we are going to taste some local dishes.

By six o'clock in the evening, well-fed, shaved and smelling of cologne, the grandmaster entered the box office of the Cartoner club. Well-fed and shaved, Vorobyaninov was briskly selling tickets.

Well, how? the grandmaster asked softly.

Input thirty and for the game - twenty, - the administrator answered.

Sixteen rubles. Weak, weak!

What are you, Bender, look what a queue is! Will inevitably get killed!

Don't think about it. When they beat you, you will cry, but for now, do not linger! Learn to trade!

An hour later, there were thirty-five rubles in the cash register. The audience was excited in the hall.

Close the window! Let's get money! - said Ostap. - Now here's what. Here you have five rubles, go to the pier, hire a boat for two hours and wait for me on the bank below the barn. We will take an evening walk. Don't worry about me. I'm in shape today.

The grandmaster entered the hall. He felt cheerful and knew for sure that the first move e2 - e4 did not threaten him with any complications. The rest of the moves, however, were already drawn in a perfect fog, but this did not bother the great strategist in the least. He had a completely unexpected way out prepared to save even the most hopeless party.

Grandmaster was greeted applause. A small club room was hung with colorful paper flags. A week ago was the evening of the “Society for Rescue on the Waters”, as evidenced by the slogan on the wall: “The work of helping drowning people is the work of the drowning people themselves.”

Ostap bowed, stretched out his hands, as if rejecting the applause he did not deserve, and went up to the stage.

Comrades! he said in a beautiful voice. - Comrades and brothers in chess, the subject of my lecture today is what I read about and, I must admit, not without success in Nizhny Novgorod a week ago. The subject of my lecture is a fruitful opening idea. What, comrades, is a debut, and what, comrades, is an idea? Debut, comrades, is quasi una fantasia. And what, comrades, is an idea? An idea, comrades, is a human thought clothed in a logical chess form. Even with negligible forces, you can master the entire board. Everything depends on each individual individually. Like that blond guy over there in the third row. Let's say he plays well...

The blonde in the third row blushed.

And that brunette over there, for example, is worse.

Everyone turned and looked at the brunette as well.

What do we see, comrades? We see that the blond plays well, and the brunette plays poorly. And no lectures will change this correlation of forces, unless each individual individually constantly trains in checkers ... that is, I wanted to say - in chess ... And now, comrades, I will tell you a few instructive stories from the practice of our respected hypermodernists Capablanca, Lasker and Dr. Grigoriev.

Ostap told the audience a few Old Testament anecdotes, gleaned as a child from the Blue Journal, and with this ended the interlude.

Everyone was a little surprised by the brevity of the lecture. And the one-eyed man did not take his only eye off the grandmaster's shoes.

However, the beginning of the simultaneous game delayed the growing suspicion of the one-eyed chess player. Together with everyone, he arranged the tables in peace. In total, thirty amateurs sat down to play against the grandmaster. Many of them were completely bewildered and kept looking at chess books every minute, refreshing their memory of complex variations with the help of which they hoped to surrender to the grandmaster at least after the twenty-second move.

Ostap glanced at the ranks of the “blacks” that surrounded him on all sides, at the closed door, and undauntedly set to work. He approached the one-eyed man, who was sitting at the first board, and moved the king's pawn from square e2 to square e4.

The one-eyed man immediately grabbed his ears with his hands and began to think hard. It rustled through the ranks of lovers:

The grandmaster played e2 - e4.

Ostap did not indulge his opponents with a variety of openings. On the remaining twenty-nine boards he did the same operation: he moved the king's pawn from e2 to e4. One by one, the amateurs clutched at their hair and plunged into feverish speculation. The non-playing players looked after the grandmaster. The only one in the city amateur photographer he was about to perch on a chair and was about to set fire to the magnesium, but Ostap angrily waved his arms and, breaking his course along the boards, shouted loudly:

Remove the photographer! It interferes with my chess thought!

“Why on earth would you leave your picture in this miserable little town. I don't like dealing with the police, he decided to himself.

The indignant hiss of the amateurs forced the photographer to abandon his attempt. The outrage was so great that the photographer was even kicked out of the room.

On the third move it turned out that the grandmaster played eighteen Spanish games. In the remaining twelve, Black used the Philidor's Defence, albeit outdated, but quite true. If Ostap knew that he plays such tricky games and faces such a tried defense, he would be extremely surprised. The fact is that the great strategist played chess for the second time in his life.

At first the amateurs, and the first among them, the one-eyed one, were horrified. The grandmaster's cunning was undeniable. With extraordinary ease and, of course, sarcastic in his soul over the backward fans of the city of Vasyuki, the grandmaster sacrificed pawns, heavy and light pieces to the right and left. He donated even a queen to the brunette who was cursed at the lecture. The brunet was horrified and wanted to give up immediately, but only by a terrible effort of will forced himself to continue the game.

Thunder from a clear sky was heard in five minutes.

Mat! - the frightened brunette murmured to death. - You checkmate, comrade grandmaster!

Ostap analyzed the situation, shamefully called the "queen" "queen" and pompously congratulated the brunette on his win. A rumble ran through the rows of amateurs.

"It's time rip your claws!' thought Ostap, calmly pacing among the tables and carelessly rearranging the pieces.

You placed the knight incorrectly, comrade grandmaster, - the one-eyed one fawned over. The horse doesn't walk like that.

Sorry, sorry, I'm sorry, - answered the grandmaster, - after the lecture I was somewhat tired! Over the next ten minutes, the grandmaster lost another ten games.

Surprised cries were heard in the premises of the Cardboard Club. A conflict was brewing. Ostap lost fifteen games in a row, and soon three more. There was only one left. At the beginning of the game, he made many mistakes out of fear and now with difficulty led the game to a victorious end. Ostap, unnoticed by others, stole the black rook from the board and hid it in his pocket.

The crowd closed in tightly around the players.

My boat had just been in this place! shouted the one-eyed man, looking around. - And now she's gone.

No, it means it wasn't! said Ostap rudely.

How could it not? I clearly remember!

Of course it wasn't.

Where did she go? Did you win it?

Won.

When? On what move?

Why are you fooling me with your boat? If you give up, then say so!

Allow me, comrade, I have all the moves written down.

The office is writing! - said Ostap.

It's outrageous! yelled the one-eyed man. - Give me back my boat!

Give up, give up, what kind of cat and mouse are these!

Give me the rook!

- Give you a rook? Maybe give you another key to the apartment where the money is?

With these words, the grandmaster, realizing that procrastination is like death, scooped up several pieces in a handful and threw them at the head of the one-eyed opponent.

Comrades! squealed the one-eyed man. - See everyone! The lover is beaten. The chess players of the city of Vasyuki were taken aback.

Wasting no precious time, Ostap threw chessboard in kerosene lamp and, striking in the darkness on someone's jaws and foreheads, ran out into the street. Vasyukin's lovers, falling on each other, rushed after him.

It was a moonlit evening. Ostap rushed along the silver street lightly, like an angel, pushing off from the sinful earth. In view of the failed transformation of Vasyukov into the center of the universe, they had to flee not among palaces, but among log houses with external shutters. Behind rushed chess lovers.

Hold on grandmaster! - roared the one-eyed.

Rogue! - supported the rest.

Dudes! - snarled the grandmaster, increasing the speed.

Guard! shouted the beaten chess players.

Ostap jumped up the stairs leading to the pier. He had to run four hundred steps. On the sixth platform, two amateurs were already waiting for him, who had made their way here by a roundabout path right along the slope. Ostap looked around. From above rolled like a pack of dogs a close group of furious admirers of Philidor's defense. There was no retreat. Therefore, Ostap ran forward.

Here I am now, you bastards! - he barked to the brave scouts, rushing from the fifth platform. The frightened scouts hooted, waddle over the railing, and rolled somewhere into the darkness of the hillocks and

slopes. The path was clear.

Hold on grandmaster! - rolled from above.

The pursuers fled, clattering down the wooden stairs like falling bowling pins. Running ashore, Ostap dodged to the right, looking for a boat with an administrator loyal to him.

Ippolit Matveyevich sat idyllically in the boat. Ostap thumped on the bench and furiously began to row from the shore. A minute later, stones flew into the boat. One of them was hit by Ippolit Matveyevich. A little above the volcanic pimple, he had a dark nodule. Ippolit Matveyevich buried his head in his shoulders and whimpered.

Here's another hat! I almost got my head cut off. And I'm nothing. B odr and cheerful. And if we take into account another fifty rubles of net profit, then for one ghoul on your head - the fee is quite decent.

Meanwhile, the persecutors, who only now realized that the plan of turning the Vasyukovs into New Moscow had collapsed and that the grandmaster was taking fifty blood Vasyukin rubles out of the city, plunged into a large boat and, shouting raked out to the middle of the river. There were thirty people in the boat. Everyone wanted to take a personal part in the massacre of the grandmaster. The expedition was commanded by a one-eyed man. His only eye glittered in the night like a beacon.

Hold Grandmaster! - Shouted in an overloaded barque.

Go, Kisa! - said Ostap. - If they catch up with us, I can not vouch for the integrity of your pince-nez.

Both boats went downstream. The distance between them was shrinking. Ostap was exhausted.

Don't leave, you bastards! they shouted from the bar.

Ostap did not answer. B there was no time. The oars pulled out of the water. Water flew out from under the raging oars in streams and fell into the boat.

Go ahead! Ostap whispered to himself.

Ippolit Matveyevich toiled. The bar was jubilant. Its tall hull was already bypassing the boat of the concessionaires on the left hand in order to press the grandmaster to the shore. The concessionaires met with a deplorable fate. The joy on the barge was so great that all the chess players moved to the starboard side, so that, having caught up with the boat, they would attack the villainous grandmaster with superior forces.

Take care of your pince-nez, Kitty, - Ostap shouted in despair, throwing the oars, - it's about to start!

Lord! Ippolit Matveyevich suddenly exclaimed in a cock's voice. - Are you going to beat us?!

And how! thundered Vasyukin's amateurs, about to jump into the boat.

But at that time, an extremely insulting incident for honest chess players all over the world happened. Barge tilted and scooped up water on the starboard side.

Be careful, the one-eyed captain squeaked.

But it was already too late. Too many fans have accumulated on the starboard side of Vasyukin's dreadnought. Having changed the center of gravity, the barge did not oscillate and turned over in full accordance with the laws of physics.

A general cry broke the calm of the river.

Wow! the chess players groaned.

As many as thirty lovers found themselves in the water. They quickly swam to the surface and, one by one, clung to the overturned barge. The one-eyed one landed last.

Dudes! shouted Ostap in delight. - Why don't you beat your grandmaster? You, if I'm not mistaken, wanted to beat me?

Ostap described a circle around the wrecked.

You understand, Vasyukin individuals, that I could drown you one by one, but I will give you life. Live, citizens! Only, for the creator's sake, don't play chess! You just don't know how to play! Oh, you dudes, dudes!.. Let's go, Ippolit Matveyevich, go on! Farewell, one-eyed lovers! I'm afraid that Vasyuki will not become the center of the universe! I don't think chess masters would come to fools like you, even if I asked them to! Farewell, lovers of strong chess sensations! Long live club of four horses!

Over the past hundred years, many catch phrases have appeared in the Russian language that carry ironic overtones. One of these catch phrases is New Vasyuki. This phrase means huge plans for the future that will never come true.

The history of the expression "New Vasyuki"

It is worth noting that the expression "New Vasyuki" is not in the book.

More information about where scenes from the movie 12 Chairs were filmed.

There are many great quotes in the book of 12 chairs, some of them you can look at:

New Vasyuki

Razg. Iron. About some an insignificant city or village that claims to be a grandiose the center of something. /i> Vasyuki- the name of an abandoned village on the banks of the Volga, in which the heroes of the novel “The Twelve Chairs” (1928) by I. Ilf and E. Petrov turned out to be, transformed by Ostap Bender into New Vasyuki. Mokienko, Nikitina 1998, 75.

Big dictionary of Russian sayings. - M: Olma Media Group. V. M. Mokienko, T. G. Nikitina. 2007 .

See what "New Vasyuki" is in other dictionaries:

New Vasyuki. Razg. Iron. About what l. an insignificant city or village, claiming to be the grandiose center of something. /i> Vasyuki is the name of an abandoned village on the banks of the Volga, in which the heroes of the novel by I. Ilf and E. Petrov ended up ... ... Big dictionary of Russian sayings

Vasyuki-, ov, pl. ** New Vasyuki. New Vasyuki. iron. About what l. an insignificant city or village, claiming to be the grandiose center of something. // The name of an abandoned village on the banks of the Volga, in which the heroes of the novel by I. Ilf and ... ... Dictionary the language of the Soviets

"The other day" redirects here; see also other meanings. The other day 1961 1991: Our era, The other day 1992 1999: Our era, The other day ... Wikipedia

The other day Leonid Parfyonov in the TV show "The Other Day" Genre Information program of non-political news (1990 1994), Historical series (1994 2001), information and analytical program (2001 2004) Author Leonid Parfyonov Director Dzhanik Fayziev ... Wikipedia

Ostap Suleiman Berta Maria Bender Bey (Transdanubian) ... Wikipedia

- “The other day. Our Era” book album by Leonid Parfyonov, based on the documentary series “The other day. Our era". The book consists of five volumes, the first four describe historical phenomena by decades, the fifth over a five-year period. ... ... Wikipedia

Monument to Ostap in "modern Vasyuki" Elista. 1999 Ostap Bender main character novels by Ilya Ilf and Evgeny Petrov "The Twelve Chairs" and "The Golden Calf", "the great schemer", who knew "four hundred relatively honest ways of weaning ... ... Wikipedia

- (from the Greek onoma "name") a section of linguistics that studies proper names: the names of people, animals, mythical creatures, tribes and peoples, countries, rivers, mountains, human settlements. Part O., devoted to the study of geographical names, usually ... ... Literary Encyclopedia

Books

• How we arrived in New Vasyuki. How our presidents led Russia to backward capitalism, Nikolai Kozhevnikov. The collapse of the socialist great power - the USSR - into 15 independent republics and the formation of Russia as a new capitalist state as a result of the activities of M.S. are described ...