Computer addiction in children: advice from a psychologist. How to wean a teenager from a computer

Julia

Hello! Dear psychologist, my son is 10 years old. My husband and I cannot wean him off the computer. The fact is that we made a big mistake ourselves allowed to play. Previously, two years ago, he was completely different: he ran, played, rejoiced at something, but now he can play games, not eating for hours, until you make him, all the time some kind of gloomy. Now he doesn’t play for 4 days, his behavior has become unbearable, he hears enough, he does everything out of spite, comes to scandals, throws tantrums, talks very badly with us. Please advise how to wean him before it's too late. Thanks in advance for your reply.

Tatyana Egorova

Good afternoon, Julia!

Such things as television and a computer should always be given to children in dosed and under the strict supervision of parents. As for games, here the position of parents should be doubly tough: strict selection and immediate exclusion of antisocial games, promoting overly detailed three-dimensional gloomy virtual reality with elements of cruelty, bloodshed, sexuality, debauchery and regardless of whether the child has an addiction to them or not.

In your case, the boy has already developed a computer addiction against the background of his passion for games. It is often equated with drug addiction or alcoholism and it will be very difficult to pull your child out of this swamp. Take into account that the son is about to come teenage years and if drastic measures are not taken now, big problems await you in the future.

Why are children so addicted to computer games? After all, it happens that a child occasionally plays without prejudice to his school, home duties ... To understand where this addiction comes from, you need to know what is happening in the soul of a gamer and what reasons prompted him to devote all his time to a toy.

Psychologists have noticed that created by computer games virtual reality very attracts a certain group of people. These include children, adolescents and even adults who are experiencing serious psychological problems in real life. Often they have difficulties in communicating with friends, they feel their loneliness and emptiness in their souls, they are not comfortable real world with his real problems that need to be solved, overcoming his timidity, fear. But in games, you can always easily solve problems with the help of forceful methods, and if it didn’t work out, there are always several lives in reserve ... And no one scolds a frail boy.

You know, in children and adolescents who have not been able to find meaning in life, it happens very quickly reorientation to virtual life . The sense of time is lost, one's own problems fade into the background, and in front of them is a world of a few halftones, sometimes creepy but also ... so understandable and attractive. Generally all games some algorithm is artificially set achieving success, i.e. it is not a child who learns to calculate his decisions, plans and actions - a soulless machine does it for him. She programs for certain actions. And unfortunately, the meaning of all these actions is to eliminate opponents (execution, fights, a sea of ​​blood and a creepy-looking goblin that does not contain anything human ... and if guys and girls are in the game, then most often they are dressed provocatively) frightening and aimed at the extermination of the rest of life for the sake of their own goal).

There are, however, other games, but none is as popular as 3D virtual reality with the ability to act as a hero.

The child, getting used to the image, involuntarily obeys the character specific hero. And it is unlikely that you will find in him kindness, participation, sympathy and the desire to help by any means other than violence and weapons. Most games teach that problems can only be solved with rudeness and force. Otherwise, you will simply be kicked out. And all levels of lives are not enough.

And sadly, addiction, constantly fueled by regular games, is reflected in the psyche of the child. He becomes similar to the characters of his games in terms of psychological qualities. Rudeness, intolerance, lack of restraint, disrespect for elders, inability to find a compromise in difficult situations. In the absence of willpower, overall behavior deteriorates. Problems begin in relations with parents, with teachers and peers who do not share this enthusiasm. It is not surprising that the child either withdraws into himself or finds dubious friends who suffer from the same psychological illness - gambling.

So what's now?

Julia, I described in detail the causes of addiction so that you can see in which direction you need to move. Now you have no contact with your son, you have lost this thread that previously connected him with you. Your child is most likely suffering at heart and may realize that he is too addicted to games. But he can't handle his addiction on his own. He needs the active support of his family. Even with his resistance, tears, pleas and assurances that “it won’t happen again, I’ll play at least a little” - the family should support him, but not allow him to play under any conditions and try to switch to other types of activities. Now, while he is 10 years old, it is still possible.

gambling addiction as well as alcohol and drugs cannot be eliminated by limiting time to hobbies. The problem is solved rather harshly - complete exception. You need to remove all games from the computer, all game discs, and possibly the computer itself, if no one except the child uses it. There should be no compromise here.

At first, it will be very difficult for you. An addicted child will misbehave at home, trying to annoy all other family members, trying to find his “drug” from his dubious friends, or disappearing into computer clubs. Just be patient with this period. Be open to communication. say that you understand him well and are doing for his own good. Think about what problems he may have (loneliness, lack of friends, lack of recognition from peers, unpopularity in his environment, etc.) and help the child solve them. Show that you can find a way out of any situation. Raise self-esteem, inspire confidence that he will cope with his difficulties.

Along with the exclusion of games you'll have a good time plan your child's schedule so that he does not have free hours for an empty pastime. It all depends on you, the parents. That's why look for alternative hobbies, think about which section to enroll the child in, inspire for sports exploits, encourage to be courageous. After all, for a boy to be a weakling is nothing more offensive. And all the guys are trying to become stronger. By what methods is another question.

If the computer cannot be removed and it is needed as a working tool for your husband or for you, think about what development programs you can interest your son. Involve him, for example, in web design, find training courses - there is a lot of this stuff on the Web and in stores. Let your son choose something to his liking. And a computer nearby and a favorite thing. Very soon he will enter the taste of a new and useful hobby. Show him what based on some specific computer skills you can make good money. The same web designer, programmer, illustrator, flasher, etc.

Do you still have there is hope to improve the situation. Act now together with your husband and you will save a lot of nerve cells in the future. I sincerely wish you success.

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Hello! My name is Julia. I will tell you about how I saved my, in general, adult son Ilya from computer and gaming addiction. I hope that many will agree with the presented approach to get rid of this type of addiction and, perhaps, even adopt it.

It was four years ago, Ilya was in his fourth year at the institute, he was then 21 years old. Ilya had difficulties with his studies: constant tails in the session, skipping classes, calling home from the dean's office ... He spent all his time either sitting on the Internet or playing countless online games. At some point, I realized that this could no longer continue: it would end, firstly, with expulsion, and secondly, with the complete degradation of the son’s personality.

Through one of my friends, I came across a psychologist named Svetlana: a rather energetic young woman. We easily found a common language with her, and she, after listening to my problem, offered me a program, the operation of which I will describe below.

Once I invited Svetlana home. She followed Ilya into the room, where he, as usual, played some kind of game on the computer, while listening to music on headphones. He did not even notice an unfamiliar woman in his room until she touched his shoulder (at that time I remained outside the door, listening to their conversation).

The son expressed fear and surprise, asking Svetlana who she, in fact, was, and how she got into his room?
- You can call me Aunt Sveta. - said the psychologist with a smile, - I'm here to help you solve your computer problems.
- I don't have any problems! Ilya snapped.
- You're wrong...
Svetlana asked my son a few simple questions, each of which, however, caused him difficulties. She asked how much time a day he spends on the computer, whether he is doing well with his studies, how often he communicates with friends, how he has relationships with the opposite sex.
While maintaining a friendly tone of dialogue, Svetlana nevertheless managed to embarrass Ilya somewhat, and he admitted that the computer really occupies too much of a place in his life.
- Not just big ... This is a real addiction! - Svetlana said, - And I offer you a radical, but very effective means of getting rid of it: we will reduce your time spent at the computer to 1 hour a day.
And then Ilya began to resent and protest. After waiting for him to calm down a bit, Svetlana let him know that the treatment program would not be canceled just because of his disagreement: after all, the computer was bought with mother's money, and the mother has the right to set any restrictions.

Realizing his impotence, the son changed tactics: he began to beg to allow him four, three, or at least two hours a day to be at the computer. But Svetlana was adamant:
- I'm sorry, Ilyusha, but we're not going to bargain. An hour - and not a minute more.
Then the psychologist asked Ilya to let her go to the computer for two minutes to make the necessary settings. Svetlana set an automatic shutdown an hour after the start of work, and also set a password on the computer (after she told it to me). Then she silently turned off the computer, causing Ilya's stormy indignation:
- Wait, that's not fair! You said only two minutes!
- That's right, - Svetlana agreed, - and I kept my word. But I didn't promise that I'd let you go to the computer after that.
She warned that the son must in no way find out the password - otherwise the whole program would be thwarted. Svetlana told me to be strong and not succumb to the pressure of my son - after all, I should be an authority for him - even though he is 21 years old.

Ilya spent the rest of the day without a computer, not wanting to talk to anyone. He just lay on the couch, covering his face with his hands. I reminded myself that I shouldn't feel guilty or feel sorry.

The next day, Svetlana visited us again, asking Ilya, how is his current situation?
- Badly. I have nothing to do, - he gritted through his teeth.
Svetlana praised him for enduring his hardships with dignity, and also asked him not to look at her as an enemy and "an evil aunt who took away his favorite toy."
- But you will look for classes yourself, - said the psychologist, - You are already an adult. I advise you to think carefully about how you will fill your free time that has appeared.

After that, Ilya began a period of "breaking", when he considered everyone enemies and did not want to make contact. Over the next week, Svetlana visited us every day, checking the psychological state of Ilya, and having conversations with him about the need for life changes. The son became sharper, gloomier, he was very upset by the deprivation of the computer, which had been a part of his life for a long time. He often, but unsuccessfully, begged me for a password. Sometimes Ilya said that he needed to do his schoolwork at the computer - I let him do this, but turned off the power as soon as I noticed him having fun. Most of all, Ilya was annoyed by how his computer suddenly turned off at the end of the allotted hour - he continually did not have time to finish playing or watch something.

I was afraid that my son would never be able to come to terms with the loss - however, Svetlana assured me that the main thing was to wait until the end of the “withdrawal” period. And she turned out to be right. Ilya simply had no choice: a month later he took up books, his studies gradually began to improve. He fell in love fiction began to spend more time outdoors with friends.

Six months later, Ilya had a desire to sign up for sports dancing, where he met a girl whom he later married. Over time, he forgot to think about computer entertainment: he uses the computer mainly only for work.

Summing up, I would like to say that this method of getting rid of computer addiction can be called the method of "shock therapy". Of course, it will cause a negative reaction in the child. However, you should not be afraid of tantrums that your child will roll at first. You should be afraid of the harm that it will receive from the endless hours spent on the network. The method of persuasion is usually ineffective (Svetlana warned me about this right away) - after all, any addiction takes root in the human mind.

In connection with the doubts that have arisen among many about the veracity of this story, I would like to make some clarifications.

First: about why the son did not object to the new mode of using the computer. I raised my son alone, without a husband. By nature, Ilya has always been a calm, reserved boy. The cases when he threw tantrums were rare: I instilled in him respect for elders. And at the age of 21, the upbringing given to him did not disappear! Of course, he was outraged by the deprivation of the computer, and I indicated this in the story, albeit not in bright colors. And I don’t understand at all why he had to send obscene language to everyone, expel Svetlana, or leave home ... Such boorish, inadequate behavior simply could not occur to Ilya - even in such a stressful situation. I invited Svetlana to my apartment, and the computer was bought, as already mentioned, with my money - an adult, as many have noted, a 21-year-old son could not help but understand this. I repeat once again: during the “withdrawal” period, there were conflicts with my son, I see no reason to describe them in detail.

Further. Why didn't Ilya get a job to buy his own computer? Before the introduction of the hard regime, he spent all his free time on the network, believing that this could go on forever. He had to spend the free time on his studies, as he realized that the received specialty would provide him with a good job in the future. I don’t see the point of getting a small part-time job at the expense of study time - Ilya didn’t consider this option either.

Regarding the password: I didn’t write it down, but the standard Windows security tools were not used. Svetlana installed a program on Ilya's computer that turned off the computer at a specified time: it was also possible to set the PC's work schedule - when you tried to enter the "forbidden" hour, the computer immediately turned off. The settings of this program were protected by a password.

About using a computer for study. Again, not everyone may have read carefully, but I mentioned that for educational purposes, Ilya's time at the computer was extended, but all attempts to start having fun online were stopped.

And in conclusion, I will emphasize once again that in this matter I am opposed to any indulgence and chatter about the need for an individual approach, the desire to change oneself, and so on. Addiction is a disease (and not everyone understood this yet). It's a virus that just won't go away. Only "surgical", strict measures are applicable here.

With regard to children and adolescents, everything is in the hands of their parents. Let's put it this way: it is necessary to worry and control the time spent by the child at the computer. Increasingly, parents are asking how to wean a teenager from a computer. We cannot pack up and take our child to some wilderness where there is no computer and the Internet. How to distract a teenager from the computer in this case?

The problem of computer addiction in our children today beats all records. The information that the child receives from the monitor screen is also subject to control. For a preschooler, the time allowed for playing at a computer is limited to 15 minutes (without a break). Monitor time” (as well as TV) – only in strictly metered “portions”. Remove the computer and get it only at a strictly defined time by mom. Put restrictions on access to "adult" sites, and control games for their benefit to the child.

No computer can replace communication with mom and dad. Despite the work, employment, problems and undercooked borscht - be close to the child. Play with your child. Of course, in a strictly allotted time, but together. Let the child take part in this. Leave the modem to yourself, but turn it on only at times when the child is busy with his own business. Thirdly, it is impossible to distract a child in adolescence with a designer and a game of snowballs.

Sports, sections, etc. The pleasure that a child receives from sports, dancing and other outdoor activities cannot be compared with the joy of the next "like" or "game" in shooting games.

Is your child shy about communicating in real life? In the virtual world, is he a brave superhero? Become your child's friend. At this age, an orderly tone and a belt are not helpers. Now the child needs a friend. Listen to your child and participate in his life. Be interested in his desires and problems - it is in them that you will find all the answers to the question "how to distract ...".

How to wean a teenager from a computer?

Proceed from what your child lacks, from what exactly he runs to the Internet. Now is the time to immerse yourself deeply and completely in the area of ​​​​interest that has probably already settled in the child’s head. If the child has already found himself, but does not have the opportunity to develop in the chosen direction, give him this opportunity. How do you deal with computer addiction in a child? In my opinion, it is absolutely forbidden to give a computer before school.

If everyone in the family sits at computers, then the child will climb there. All the rest of the free time to keep the child busy. The only way to distract a child is not to leave him time on the PC. After school - in the section.

I'm already silent about the books that children read in abbreviated Internet versions. Teach them to use only in the most extreme cases, and ban games and social networks altogether. That's why I treat children with such anger - they don't give anything, they just take money in wild amounts. The father is working with the child. Modern parents found themselves in a difficult situation: an absolute misunderstanding of the world in which modern teenagers live was added to the standard problem of “fathers and children”.

Computer in the life of a teenager

However, if you see your child staring at the screen all the time, it starts to get really scary. Let's see why today's teenagers spend so much time at the computer. Yesterday's child moves away from parents, becoming more and more independent. It is still too early for a teenager to live without parents, so frequent meetings with friends and / or escape into virtual reality become a way out.

Teenagers who stand out from the crowd get the opportunity to find friends and like-minded people. Communication among modern teenagers has moved to another level - so, maybe parents should not even worry? A teenager is not yet an adult, and it is the parents who are responsible for his health. You must measure the amount of screen time in your child's life. In this case, parents should understand the reasons that pushed the teenager into the screen world and take measures to “pull” him out of there.

How to wean a teenager from a computer - important tips for parents to prevent computer addiction in children

On the Internet, a teenager who has problems with social adaptation gets the opportunity to become different, open up, find friends and even love. And in this regard, everything is obvious - the eyes of modern schoolchildren adapt to looking at a flickering picture at close range.

Myopia is getting younger every year, and it is foolish to deny the relationship of this fact with the popularization of computers, phones and tablets. A computer, with all the complexity of its device, is a machine. No game, no communication in social networks can convey all the subtleties inherent in the versatility of the world and the personality of a person. There is a robotization of thinking, emotions, compassion, humanity are leaving - something that has always been inherent in children before. Therefore, in my opinion, for developing child computer is bad.

A teenager is sitting at a computer (laptop or tablet) - isn't it a familiar and even banal picture? All of the above require money, but there is no money. There is only physically on the computer and on the Internet. Yes, you will spend a lot of time, but the child will sit over the canvas together with the computer, and there is no need to talk about the benefits of this event.

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Sveta, ОЕ УМХЫБКФЕ УПЧЕФБ ОБЮБФШ ЙЗТБФШ ЧНЕУФЕ У НХЦЕН - РПМХЮЙФУС ФБЛ ЦЕ, ЛБЛ ЕУМЙ ВЩ ПО ВЩМ БМЛБЗПМЙЛПН Й ЧЩ УФБМЙ ВЩ ЧНЕУФЕ РЙФШ... :-) йЪ ЧБЫЕК ИБТБЛФЕТЙУФЙЛЙ НХЦБ НОЕ ЧЙДОП, ЮФП ФПМШЛП УЙМШОБС ХЗТПЪБ НПЦЕФ РПДЕКУФЧПЧБФШ - ХИПД (ТБЪЧПД ). yMY EUFSH OEHLBBOOSCHE CHBNY IBCHYUYNPUFY PF NHTsB: DEFI, CHBYB OEFTHDPCHUFTPEOOPUFSH? lBLPC CHFPTPK LPNRSHAFET? mHYUYE VSC Y RETCHPNH OE VSHCHFSh! eUMMY CHSHCH O URTBCHYFEUSH (UE UCHPEK CHOKHFTEOOOEK BCHYUYNPUFSHHA PF NHTsB), - ON CHBU BBBDNYOYUFTYTHEF PLPOYUBFEMSHOP, RTECHTTBFIF CH UTEDUFCHP DPUFYTSEOIS LBLYI-FP UCHPUYI GEMEKHFCHTEYPCHP tBVPFB RMAU YZTSCH RPNPZBAF ENH DEZTBDYTPCHBFSH - LFP LBL CH VPMPFE. ChBN RPNPTSEF OE LPNRSHAFETOBS, B UPGYBMSHOP-RUYIPMPZYUEULBS YZTB U NHTSEN. obyuofe "TSYFSH" FBL, UFPVSCH PO chBN UFBM ЪBCHYDPCHBFSH, RPDYuЈTLOHFP oebchuynp, RHUFSH PO VE CHBYI UMPC HUFSCHDIFUS UCHPEK NBMPLKhMShFKhTOPUFY Y PDOPUFPTPOOPUFY. EUFSH ChPЪNPTSOPUFSH PVEBFSHUS U DTKhZYNY MADSHNY - PUPVEOOP, LFP UNPFTYF ABOUT LPNRSHAFET, LBL RTPFYCHOPE PFHRMSAEEE UTEDUFCHP - RPDYuЈTLOHFP CHSHCHUPLP pgeofe UFP YI LBYUEUFCHP Nb. ffp chbn y enkh FPMShLP OBCHTEDIF. x PDOPC LOYTSLY NOE DBCE OBCHBOYE RPOTBCHIMPUSH: "yZTSCH, CH LPFPTSHCHE YZTBAF MADY, Y MADY, LPFPTSHCHE YZTBAF CH YZTSCHCH". UFBOSHFE IPSYOPN, BCHFPTPN YZTSCH!

ъDTBUFCHKhKFE Sveta! LBL YuEMPCHEL UFBMLOKHCHYKUS U FBLPK TSE RTPVMENPK IYUKH CHSHCHULBBFSH UCHPE NOOE.
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